This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
