did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
