Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
