We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
