i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
