Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I've blown a few things in my day
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
