Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
