For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
