I look better un-naked...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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