margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need a burrito and a hug.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
