I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
