I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
