I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
