guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
