After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize