If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
