He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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