we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
