She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
