i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
