I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize