By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Someone came in the potted fern
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
