I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Vodka?
Forever.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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