I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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