I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
