she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
