i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
