so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
