4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
