It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
