Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
