i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
