He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
