He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
