my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
