you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
