Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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