Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
