I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I skipped work to stalk him.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
