i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
