I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
