Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
