ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
