laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
