after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
