Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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