There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
