Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
