yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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