well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
