I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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