just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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