The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
