So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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