I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize