Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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