Sober January is a disaster.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
