It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you still have your period?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
