I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
