I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
