The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
