i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
