Your tits are I can't wait for
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize