Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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