I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
