did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
