he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have so many feelings about this burrito
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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