i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize