In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
