I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
